YOU ARE HERE (Emotions 101)
When we’re feeling lost or unsure of exactly where we are, a big sign, billboard or arrow is helpful.
At shopping malls back in the day, there would usually be a giant cube with a map on it. An X or dot on the map marked your location, helping you map out your route to The Limited, Macy’s or the food court.
When We Need a Life Map
Unfortunately, our seasons in life rarely offer us similar “you are here” maps to help navigate our way.
Some seasons are dizzying.
Fresh out of college with anxiety about a new job, a new place to live. Or no job and finding yourself moving back home!
Becoming a parent for the first time wondering how you’ll manage all the new responsibilities on no sleep.
Navigating an empty nest and how different your marriage feels when all the kids have left home.
Trying to heal after the pain and loss of a divorce.
So how do we find our way? What tools or road maps are helpful? I believe our values and faith can play a part here. Emotional attunement is another key.
Being emotionally honest with ourselves assists us in orienting; finding where we are on our “emotional map”.
Emotional Navigation Tools
Emotions can get a bad rap, but it’s important to know emotions aren’t “wrong” or “bad”. They actually give us important information about what’s going on inside of us and around us. Once we name the emotion, it begins to tame what may feel overwhelming.
This could sound like:
“This feels really big and intimidating, but I’m going to do my best despite my fears.”
“I can grow and change during this transition season as I try to stay grounded.”
“I can ask for support from others because going this alone is a bad idea.”
As we get in the habit of naming emotions to tame them, we also end up validating what we’re experiencing. This is the reality at this moment. Let’s not pretend we’re fine. Pretending leads to anxiety because anxiety is suppressed emotion.*
See the trend? Acknowledging, then naming, what we’re feeling in any given moment lets us be anchored in the present moment, processing emotions in real time! Who knew it could be this way?!
Emotional Growth Takes Time & Effort
Now this isn’t a license to blow up at our spouse or boss in the name of “being in reality”. Self-control allows us to hold back emotion when appropriate, to take a moment to name it to tame it. Later, when we have time to fully process, it’s good to review any residual emotion. Emotion is like a tunnel, and we don’t want to get stuck in a dark tunnel! Allowing time now, or when it’s appropriate, to discharge the energy of big emotion is how we progress through the “tunnel” to see the light of day again.**
Most of us didn’t have this modeled for us. If our parents or caregivers specialized in stuffing emotion or flying off the handle, we never got an example of how to properly deal with emotions. The reason often has to do with maturity tasks and trauma. More on that in the next blog!
*To read more on anxiety check out Deeply Loved: Receiving and Reflecting God’s Great Empathy for You by Bill & Kristi Gaultiere
** See Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle by Emily & Amelia Nagoski