Maturity
Most people are familiar with what immaturity looks like. It’s especially easy to spot in little kids….
throwing a tantrum when the Legos don’t go together just right
Refusing to eat what you thought was their favorite food
Crying when they are tired instead of just going to bed
Blurting out an embarrassing fact or hurtful rant
(If you’re an adult and see yourself in any of the above behaviors - keep reading!)
So, obviously, children lack the mental and emotional development to master these and other issues of regulation. Their little brains and nervous systems just don’t have this ability quite yet. But they are learning.
Psychologically and behaviorally, maturity is the emotional ability to respond to situations appropriately, manage stress, and take responsibility.
Childhood is filled with opportunities to mature. Children are constantly looking and watching, taking in the environment around them. This is where they learn to model behavior and speech. Each age and stage of child (and adult) development give us opportunities to grow in mastery of maturity tasks.
You may have heard of Erick Erickson* and his stages of psychosocial development. His has been an enduring model to understand human growth and development. He labels maturity tasks as conflicts to resolve.
For example, in infancy, the maturity task (or conflict) is Trust v. Mistrust. If caregivers are consistent and caring, an infant will implicitly develop trust. If not, mistrust can emerge. This begins early.
Patterns will endure unless we acknowledge them and work to change them. If we fail to mature in certain areas, we can get older, but not necessarily more mature. We can become high achievers in school or work, but still act like a child sometimes. This is called pseudomaturity - high functioning in some areas, often work, but lower functioning in interpersonal relationships.
Low functioning as an adult can look like lack of emotional regulation, addiction, self-centeredness or inconsistency. If others are expressing dissatisfaction in their relationship with you, it could be because of missed maturity tasks that cause you and your relationships pain.
Children are vulnerable and at the mercy of givegivers. We are formed in environments we have very little control over. But as adults, we have the opportunity and responsibility to evaluate our experiences so we can try to heal and change.
Start by finding the courage to be emotionally honest with yourself. Ask important questions like:
“What formed me into who I am today?”
“Where did I learn this (thinking, feeling or doing pattern)?”
It's critical to acknowledge significant factors like traumatic events or characteristics of a parent or caregiver. Acknowledging and growing our awareness equips us to do the work of change.
If you want to explore this topic more personally, or if you think you need help in completing maturity tasks for emotional growth, reach out today to see if I can help.
*To learn more and read all of Erickson’s stages click here.